In the first stages of the goddess awakening within us we will experience rage, anger, distrust of the masculine and mourning for all that the feminine has been put through throughout history, for all of the pain and suffering that has happened in the world at the hand of the wounded masculine. It is in this phase where we reclaim our wild woman and lay aside all of the judgements of the ‘too muchness’ of our raw emotion - the parts of the feminine which have been chastised, rejected or cast away.

We believe we know the highest outcome, the full story, the way that things are going to pan out before we even begin the journey, and so we develop expectations which often lead to disappointment when the things that are showing up in our life do not meet these expectations.

We believe we have been jipped, we’ve been ‘tested’ by the Universe and we begin to go around in a spiral of bitterness and frustration - pushing away the blessing that has been bestowed upon us, turning up our nose at the beautiful meal the Universe has been cooking for us all along because it is not to our tastes.

When you’re in the void of transformation and healing, it can feel a lot like you have been abandoned by your spiritual team, by God, by your higher self.

The downloads, the intuitive hits, the channeling, the signs, the nudges, seem to stop entirely and you can feel incredibly disconnected from support or guidance - ironically when you feel like you need it the most.

It’s tempting to want to rationalise or try to understand why we feel certain emotions during the healing process. We often want to know what the root cause of these emotions are, where the wounds come from, what trauma we’re healing from or what’s on the other side of the release.

We believe that if we were to know, it would be easier to give ourselves permission to go there – fully. But the reality is, so much of our wounding is on the level of soul, and what our soul is feeling doesn’t necessarily make logical or rational sense.

There’s something that humanity has forgotten about, and that is the innate ancestral wisdom we all have in our bodies. Our bodies are designed to release trauma, purge, bring us back to homeostasis, balance, and heal. Our bodies are designed to flow with the cycles of the earth – to restore during some seasons and to energize in other seasons.

I was years into my kundalini rising before I realised what it was. I truly believe that had I known this was the culprit for my weird symptoms and feelings, it would’ve been a lot easier for me to navigate and recognise that I was not actually going insane. I didn’t need to be locked up or fed anti-psychotics. And what was unfolding was in fact a beautiful process that was healing and liberating me.

If you’re feeling out of sorts, like you’re going insane, or you’re experiencing bizarre moments in your day-to-day life, know that it’s not definitive evidence of a psychotic break

Many of us aren’t equipped to deal with (or are seriously unprepared for) the intricate process that is healing. When we start out on our healing journey for the first time, we’re in for a shock because the way that healing is portrayed by many doesn’t accurately depict what we can expect to go through.

In truth, the reality can be super bleak and the healing process can last a long time (and by that I mean our whole life, because we’re always healing and growing).

Many light workers are battling deep feelings of wanting to leave the planet right now.

And I need to make it clear that I am not framing it in a nice fluffy “ascending so far we transcend our physical forms and go home” sort of way (because of course, we can always romanticise returning from whence we came, and how things are so much better on our home planets where everything is love and light).

When I talk about these feelings many people are having, I’m referring to desiring to intentionally leave their bodies, end their lifetime in this physical form and exit this planet for good.

Loneliness assumes that there is such a thing as separation and lack. It focuses on what is not present and what is missing.

Aloneness is knowing that we are never truly alone. It is knowing that we are all one and we don’t need to constantly surround ourselves with people to feel connected and whole.

Yes, I am alone. But I am not lonely.

I fully sink into my aloneness and enjoying my own company. I sink into feeling my energy being completely clear and unaffected.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of resenting the growth lessons, the hard times, and the struggles you’ve been through. It’s easy to want to give up, to stew in your pain, and remain stuck there forever. Humans have to go through A LOT in our short times here on earth. Crushing blows, heartbreak, loss, health issues, disappointments, set backs, and trajectory changes – just to name a few. Never underestimate how strong you really are, and the beautiful places these hardships are all taking you.

There’s a misguided notion in the healing and wellness space that we must constantly be healing until the day we die. This has many of us trapped in a healing hole, a deep hole where our ego’s use vicious cycles of healing to keep us in suffering mode.

This notion is dangerous because it perpetuates endless ‘healing’ black holes where we get stuck in constant up and down cycles of healing, purging, and clearing. We never stop to fully integrate, nor do we ever ‘reach’ our destination because we always believe there’s more we must clear and more we must heal.

The concept of karma is often misunderstood and misinterpreted by most people who use the comforting potential of spiritual vengeance to help them to feel better when another human does something shitty to them (‘ohhh, don’t you worry, Susan - you may have taken my parking spot, but you’ll get what’s coming to you’). The karma you have previously accrued plays heavily into the things that show up in your life, and the obstacles you will have to overcome in order to fulfil your soul’s purpose. Karma is not cosmic punishment for the ‘wrongdoings’ you have made, it is a choice that our souls make and continue to make based upon the desire to have the full spectrum of experiences.

Kundalini is no joke. It deserves respect, reverence and care.

I am not writing this to scare people off their kundalini practice, or to doom and gloom anyone, because for all the intense and scary things that kundalini can bring on, it can bring equally beautiful and mystical experiences, feelings, and sensations.

Kundalini is literally the life force that enables us to create worlds.

It is pure healing, sexual, creative energy.

It is the most potent, magical gift that we have at our disposal - connecting us to our divinity, our Creator consciousness and our ancient, alien lineages.

I often teach around - and will write many, many more articles surrounding - the joys of kundalini and how to harness this raw creative life force, but this article is not that.

I feel I really need to say this, because not enough people do… as wonderful, potent and magical as kundalini is (and as a kundalini awakening can be) - it is not a force to be played with lightly.

There is a pressure implied within the fluffy ‘light and love’ spiritual rhetoric to always have your sh*t together, be smiling, happy and positive. To control your thoughts, be present, be grateful, be positive. To be in ALIGNMENT all the damn time.

To never have a meltdown, a bad day, to lose it, or cry into the raw vegan bowl (that you just blessed) which you’re eating for lunch.

That spirituality is only about light, love and enlightenment. That healing is all sunshine, rainbows and magical plant medicine journeys. Completely failing to acknowledge our darkness, our slip ups, our emotions, our HUMAN-ness.

There comes a time in your spiritual journey where it feels like not a lot is happening – in fact, it can feel like you are moving backwards in many ways. Things seem to be falling apart, structures in which you thought were solid are crumbling in front of your eyes, relationships are ending abruptly and doors are closing. 

Yet, you look around and there does not seem to be any hint of the new to replace that which has fallen away. It’s almost a case of three steps forward, two steps back.

You are wondering why you are being made to sacrifice so much, why this crumbling is taking place. You may begin to give up hope entirely and feel like you have back-slid to the state you were in before you started on this journey. It echoes the feelings of despair and hopelessness that the original Dark Night of the Soul stirred within you. 

Surrender is a term that is thrown around a lot in the spiritual space. It is a term which personally, has the ability to send me into fits of rage simply by being suggested or uttered. “But I was surrendering! I am surrendering! How much more can I surrender, damn it?!”

The act of surrendering (or a hellbent refusal to surrender) has brought upon many painful lessons, many fueled debates with my ego, and many petulant-child-like tantrums where I’ve found myself shaking my fists at the heavens and screaming “fine, you win! I surrender!”

The fact is, as easy as it sounds and as simple as the premise is, surrendering can be anything but easy.

It’s not uncommon as a healer, empath, intuitive, psychic, shaman or someone else who is here to use their spiritual gifts to spend entire days in bed sometimes.

Full disclosure: I’m writing this article from bed as we speak – and I have zero guilt or shame around admitting that once I’m finished writing this article, I’ll probably remain in bed for the rest of the day. #treatyoself

In fact, here is my full permission to allow yourself to do this more often, if you don’t already.