Walking Away from “The One” - Dealing With the Heartbreak of Separation
There may come a point in your relationship or your connection when you realise that the person you believed to be ‘the one’ simply cannot meet you where you are at.
You realise that by continuing to hold onto hope and be bound to this person is only going to cause you more pain than good. You also realise that in order to grow, evolve and welcome in what you truly deserve in life, you need to let go and walk away. You know you need to consciously sever the connection and any expectations of a relationship, or outcome of that person returning to you with an undying confession of true love.
Walking away from ‘the one’ or surrendering a deep soul connection to the divine can be an incredibly difficult process. It can feel like you are letting go of a part of your own soul.
No matter how much you try to divert your thoughts and no matter how hard you try to bring the focus back to yourself, this person continually springs to mind.
Learn to let go and surrender
You feel broken, hopeless, and lost without them as though a piece of you is missing. You are no longer whole as there is a void within you that this person once filled.
Not only are you letting go of this person and their physical presence and company, you are also letting go of the dreams, hopes, and fantasies about where the relationship was heading. The dopamine pings that their voice, touch, and receiving their messages also loses its presence in your life.
You are letting go of the future (the projection) you dreamed of having with them, all the things you’d do together, all the places you’d journey to, the intimate moments you shared snuggled up in bed, and the evenings spent tangled up in each other and holding each other close.
You are not only surrendering a person, but also an idea, fantasy, vision, and outcome that your ego dreamed up. In order to release it, you need to allow a tiny part of yourself to release along with it – the part of yourself that is hellbent on controlling the outcome. In letting this person go, you need to face a tiny ego death and surrender a part of yourself along with it.
Related post: Understanding True Love: What True Love is and What it is Not
The physical separation will be painful
There may be part of you that is desperately holding out for a message, gesture, or any sign of recognition or reconciliation from them that they care about you and the feelings are reciprocated. That perhaps they are battling their own ego and building up the courage to come forward. You may reassure yourself that they will return as it is only a temporary separation as they work on themselves in preparation to come back to you.
You may also find yourself being directed or guided to messages about ‘separation being an illusion’ but you find yourself struggling to integrate this knowledge because the physical separation feels so painful. You couldn’t even imagine a part of your soul is still connected to this human, as it feels as though a part of you is this person.
And yet, you know it to be true deep inside you because no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much you have surrendered or redirected your thoughts, no matter how open you’ve allowed yourself to be for someone else to waltz right in, that person is still there in your heart and the love you have for them is still present.
It never fades and it never goes away.
Redirect your energy and love to yourself
You recognise that they will always be a part of you, whether you like it or not. You recognize you can never be ‘separate’ from them, as the separation between you is indeed an illusion.
So you surrender to this fact. You accept that it’s going to hurt for a while. You accept that you are going to miss them for a while, and that’s perfectly ok.
Redirect your energy and your love to yourself. Learn to hold and love yourself through the process and pick up the pieces and fill yourself up with the love you wished you would receive from them.
Learn to love yourself through the heartbreak and the days spent howling and wailing on the floor.
Learn to love and accept your addictive behaviour of stalking their social media (just to see what they’re up to), or doing endless tarot readings on love – any confirmation that this person is returning or that there is hope for you in the future.
Learn to love and accept yourself even though a part of you refuses to let go. Learn to love and accept the parts of you that are addicted to the drama, the suffering, the yo-yo back-and-forth emotional rollercoaster that this relationship was bringing you.
Learn to love and accept the fact that, no matter how hard you try to redirect your thoughts, to think of anything else, you’d rather lie there in bed all day, fantasising about ‘what if’ and replaying memories and warm moments in your mind.
Learn that the more you fill yourself up with this deep, unconditional self love, the easier it becomes.
The more you accept these parts of yourself, the less these behaviours become prevalent.
You will soon learn that the love that exists just is.
You begin to favor things that nurture, heal and support you in moving on. You begin to make choices and decisions that are loving and kind to yourself, no longer reaching for a quick fix, a reminder of them, or a fantasy to soothe your broken heart.
Soon, you are able to love yourself and them in a way that is no longer painful for you. This love doesn’t have conditions, attachments, or a necessity for them to return.
You recognise that the love that exists just is.
There is no point trying to fight it, or deny it. The act of loving another this deeply (even if it bought up a lot of pain and suffering) is a beautiful gift. Through this connection, you have been able to grow and learn and crack your heart open and you have learnt how to truly love yourself.
Instead of resentment and pain, you begin to become grateful for this person. For the way that simply by existing they have assisted you in opening your heart up to experience true love.
Loving this person is a part of your BEING.
You accept that that love is not going anywhere, it will always be there no matter how hard you try to walk away. Loving this person is a part of your BEING. Loving one person does not mean you do not have room in your heart for another.
Perhaps there will be other loves that come and go, but you are able to love and hold space in your heart for them too. You know there is enough space in your heart and you are able to generate more and more spaciousness and openness in which to love.
This is what it means to have your heart fully cracked open. To have your heart broken and cracked open again and again, every time finding yourself able to express and experience a little bit more love than you did the last.
Each time meeting your edges of what you felt was possible for you – of the depth and capacity of love that you have to give. You are able to experiencing the depth of love, watching your heart growing in order to allow even more love to flow through.
Recognize that the amount of love that you are able to feel is limitless.
You can extend this limitless amount of love to yourself, to the next person who walks into your life, and eventually spread it out into the entire world – to all beings, humans, and living things.
Recognise that with every one of these connections and with each heartbreak, you are beginning to love unconditionally and love without boundaries or borders.
The act of loving in itself is bringing you those feelings of love back to you. You are beginning to learn about the infinite, boundless love of the Universe, and tune into the knowledge that love is always available to you.
Even if a particular relationship didn’t quite work out as you’d hoped, it was all worth the lessons and the growth it brought you. It was all worth it for the way you’ve learnt to fearlessly and unconditionally, love.
Perhaps this wasn’t ‘the one’, and perhaps the next one won’t be either. Perhaps you’ll go through ten more ‘not-the-one’s before you meet a person that loves you the way you desire to be loved – but you’re getting a whole lot closer than if you had never loved at all.