When you’re in the void of transformation and healing, it can feel a lot like you have been abandoned by your spiritual team, by God, by your higher self.

The downloads, the intuitive hits, the channeling, the signs, the nudges, seem to stop entirely and you can feel incredibly disconnected from support or guidance - ironically when you feel like you need it the most.

It’s tempting to want to rationalise or try to understand why we feel certain emotions during the healing process. We often want to know what the root cause of these emotions are, where the wounds come from, what trauma we’re healing from or what’s on the other side of the release.

We believe that if we were to know, it would be easier to give ourselves permission to go there – fully. But the reality is, so much of our wounding is on the level of soul, and what our soul is feeling doesn’t necessarily make logical or rational sense.

There is a pressure implied within the fluffy ‘light and love’ spiritual rhetoric to always have your sh*t together, be smiling, happy and positive. To control your thoughts, be present, be grateful, be positive. To be in ALIGNMENT all the damn time.

To never have a meltdown, a bad day, to lose it, or cry into the raw vegan bowl (that you just blessed) which you’re eating for lunch.

That spirituality is only about light, love and enlightenment. That healing is all sunshine, rainbows and magical plant medicine journeys. Completely failing to acknowledge our darkness, our slip ups, our emotions, our HUMAN-ness.

There comes a time in your spiritual journey where it feels like not a lot is happening – in fact, it can feel like you are moving backwards in many ways. Things seem to be falling apart, structures in which you thought were solid are crumbling in front of your eyes, relationships are ending abruptly and doors are closing. 

Yet, you look around and there does not seem to be any hint of the new to replace that which has fallen away. It’s almost a case of three steps forward, two steps back.

You are wondering why you are being made to sacrifice so much, why this crumbling is taking place. You may begin to give up hope entirely and feel like you have back-slid to the state you were in before you started on this journey. It echoes the feelings of despair and hopelessness that the original Dark Night of the Soul stirred within you.